So much...

So much has happeend since my last post. Promotional exams were over, I went to watch Corpse Bride (not bad!), splurged on a 1/100 HG Destiny and Strike Freedom, and stuff. Enjoyed a few days of hardcore playing and stuff, although at the back of my mind I knew I was dead.

OCIP meetings, yadayadayada, then came today. The dreaded return of the test papers. I'm probably down for 3 R-papers (Reassessment Papers), judging from my current results of O for Physics, F for Math and Chemistry. Which is not good. I cannot promote to JC 2 with this grade, but I don't want to retain either. No use now blaming who, or what, but it's my fault totally. I... think I regret some of my actions... damn, what am I doing? Mr Chad Goh told me to pray for my Geography and General Paper (GP) which I would, but I do not have much confidence in them as well.

*sighs* If I retain and repeat JC 1... one year deferment from NS. My friends will be in JC 2. I... I probably will lose everything Jiayu has stood for at this point. No use complaining, really. And a whole load of other stuff. New syllabuses, and all. I think I will abaandon my OGL application. To think I was full of dreams at the start of the year but never really worked for them. I have no choice... this chance just slipping away from me just like that. I worshipped my OGLs and stuff. My dad had threatened int he past to withdraw financial support if I retained too... And i don't have the courage, or 面子 (face) to face my teachers.

Bah. Hmm, no use complaining, right? But... but then, if there is no such use, why does it... exist? I don't know, it's so complicated... I don't know what to do now. Everything is bleak. Aaahhh...

Oh, Open House was fun though. Running from Air Rifle to OCIP booth to Physics Society booth was... exceedingly tiring. :P Threatening people to go shoot by aiming our weapons at them was... fun. Thought of it but didn't do it haha. Oh well. Did I mention that I replayed Runescape again, died early and lsot things which were valuable to me at that point? Although I shouldn't be talking about games now...