I am a prideful creature.

My sleeping patterns have been fucked up of late (actually it's been screwed since JC, just that it's getting worse?) so I am awake at 0450 right now.

What do I want to blog about? Two things: human relationships and some wallowing in self-pity and despair. Well firstly, my time in Student Council 09/10 has come to an end (embarking on a new path right up, since I'm in the running for SC 10/11), and it got me thinking. The 15 of us, from culturally diverse backgrounds, how did we come together and bond and work so well as a team? I still remember with much clarity the first chalet with SC 08/09. It was only about a year ago (we celebrated my birthday, even). Since then we've all come quite a long way... our first test of fire being the Grand Freshman Party that we brainstormed for and organised.

I haven't found a satisfactory answer as to our awesome chemistry, but I know I will miss it quite a bit. We were an awesome team. I love you guys!

Talking about cliques, I know I mentioned hating them but I think I've managed to find and fit into some since coming to PSB Academy. I know I've drifted away a little from my friends made in Foundation Year (simply because I was one of the few who chose a Communications major), but at the same time, my new classmates are amazing. To be honest, I am feeling inferior.

That said, it's good to find friends who share the same hobbies as you do (most of it; for I have certain deviant likes) and have so much in common...

Next, some self-pity ya? After spending about 5 hours on my upcoming presentation with my group mate, I went downstairs and played a little basketball with him. Now I am helluva unsporty, so I was more of learning from my friend shooting techniques and stuff. Couple of his friends (the 'neighbourhood boys', for I shall label them) came later on, and we decided to play a match. Kei mentioned, and I realised, that pride was very important for these guys even in games like these, and I was wholly ineffective as a player (in fact, I was disoriented). So I felt totally useless. Greyshirt was especially vocal in my ineffectiveness, the one that cut the most was "hey, we're playing 2v3!" when we were playing. Various other complaints came from him, and of course, he was mighty pissed when we were drawn together in the second match (on hindsight, he could have flipped his hand as we drew lots). I guess it hurts a lot more when other people say it, huh?

Bigguy was more tolerant of me and tried giving me advice, but I think my reaction to them was like that of a tortoise. Else, I pretty much did nothing. And the few chances I got to shoot, I blew them all. At that point in time I was mighty pissed with myself.

I was just never good at sports - never trained seriously or had the culture inculcated in me. I remember counting how many goals I saved in soccer matches back in primary school and realising they didn't matter so much now. My legs are still itchy and I want to kick something (not the wall or the bucket, mind you!)

What was I good at? What am I good at? I don't really know. I know a lot of stuff but I'm no specialist. There're tons of other things that I want to be good at. Lacking drive to do anything is the worst trait of all, perhaps. Sure, I've had some achievements... I made it to Council, somehow got to be President for a year... looking back at all the certificates I've amassed over my short life...

Just am not sporty. I'm a fucking couch potato. Bring me down to the shooting range, and I'll trash all of you soundly. I promise. If I don't...

...kinda means I've lost touch, doesn't it?

Sigh. You green-eyed monster you. Just can't hold a candle to a lot of people.

Meh.