Null and Void

I feel that more and more of my nodemates dislike because of minor misunderstandings turned majpr. Mountains are being made out of molehills, and none of them wish to understand my side or hear me out. Not many would stand with me I think, and certain events have stressed me out quite a bit. I only hope these will resolve themselves over time, hopefully in a good way...

Otherwise, this entire week has been tiring with the Detachment Proficiency Tests and whatnot. I caused trouble for people again due to my ineptness, and I am angry with myself for that, which was why I cried, not because I was shouted at and such. I can take those, but I don't want to be a burden to others... what can I do?

Company cohesion was pretty scary since there was alcohol all-around. I was dragged to consume approximately two cans of Tiger Beer. Being a bad drinker (I don't usually consume alcohol like water :P), those nearly got me. I was sober, but on the taxi ride home (had to send a really drunk nodemate back to his home) I started getting nauseous. Vomitted outside his house; that was a moment where I felt really vulnerable and helpless. I went back to my own home, and, unable to take it any further, I fell asleep at the staircase. Fortunately a passing neighbour woke me up (I must have looked pretty shabby) and helped bring my stuff upstairs... before I managed to drag my ass up to bathe, and fall alseep.

I give thanks for the existence of friends whom I've made outside of the army who give me support during these trying times. May we stick together. Thank you all!

I'm not that lonely after all, am I?

EDIT: I must note again (I should have noted this before, in my post on or around 31/12/2006) that alcohol reduces the inhibitions of people. Some who usually don't talk to me were friendly to me just for that few moments. Others get into alcohol-induced highs and danced... I was, for a while, putting on an act (according to my memories), as though I was high. But I was sober. Just that I haven't vomitted like that for a while, ever since the last time I was so sick that I actually had to vomit.

Life is really a rollercoaster at times...