filledwiththoughtsfilledwiththoughtsmustgetthemout

And what a day to post about every damn thing. I've got a million and one things to rant about, some I've ranted before, others something new. Lets get it started. I'm going to rant about the Army once again. because the disillusion with it cuts deep. When the organisation you serve doesn't take care of its own (as it's supposed to be, it's a long story and the details I shall not post here, despite now being a private blog), it ceases being an organisation to aspire working in. MINDEF needs talent, yes, but talented people and good bosses are at the top. Where are the understanding mid-level managers, the field commanders. We have flag-grade officers, yes, but we need more mid-level people. Judging by how the SAF focuses on education as a measure of your ability (and hence, rank), this isn't likely gonna happen. We ain't gonna get no mid-level talents. But for every shadow, there is light. There is hope out there. Maybe it's just 3 Signal that's fucked up.

I've also been forced to eschew my previous way of life. I must re-learn all that I have learnt at Signal Institute because I have been transferred to an operational detachment instead of a supporting detachment. Life is going to become hard, because I have a phobia for setting up. I hate setting up! Especially in the dead of the night. Can't handle it physically. But what gives? Suck thumb. What can I do but take it in my stride?

On to something happier. Singapore finally made history, securing our first medal in 48 years in the table tennis women's doubles semifinals on Friday! Our team (of foreign-talent imports) managed to beat Korea 3-2 overall to secure a place in the finals, and at least a silver medal. We've got nothing to lose, we have to go all-out, and hopefully beat China. Is that wishful thinking? :P A bit of xenophobia sets in because these are after-all, foreign talent imports. I dug up a bit on Tan Howe Liang (our weightlifting silver at the 1960 Olympics) and I found out that he had come to Singapore from Shantou, China too. When he was 14, to be exact, in 1937. I guess I should stop being as such because they are Singapore citizens, after all, be it whether they have been here one year, or ten years, or whatever. Cheer on for Singapore? Li Jiawei credits her achievements to Singapore, and yes, we have indeed nurtured her along the way and stuffs. Trivia: Our women's coach is the brother of China's women's coach. Lets see the big fight tonight.

*Phelps is sensational! 8 golds! + 6 from Athens, = 14! OMG.

Decadent me doesn't have a future. My mother has been rubbing fresh salt into the raw wound ever since I was in Secondary 3, more so after my A levels. She is the architect of the misery that I built for myself. I think I am too shallow to see past what lies beneath though. Silently I berate myself for all this, AND not doing anything to further stall my slide. A parasite.

I WANT TO SHOUT IT ALL OUT LOUD, I CAN'T BOTTLE ALL THESE IN ME ANYMORE. I MIGHT JUST SNAP...

I HAVE NO RIGHT, I HAVE NO SAY, I LONG TO BE FREE ONE DAY. FROM THE SHACKLES OF LIFE, BUT NOT UNTO THE WELCOME GRASP OF DEATH. NOT YET. まだまだだね。